Bollywood

A few days ago, my mother said I should try Bollywood dance. I have two responses: I am not interested in dancing, and, BAH!

Bollywood. That is what most people think about when they think of India. It makes me sick. Bollywood is a miserable attempt to cash in on western pop culture. Just look at the name Bollywood Western pop culture is terrible enough as it is, with people like Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, and Katie Perry. When Justin Bieber first sang, I felt a disturbance in the force… like 10 billion beings suddenly cried out… and then were silenced. If you get that reference, you get a cookie. I’ll explain it here: in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, when the Death star fired its laser (“I’MA FIRIN’ MAH DEATH STAR LAZOR!” If you get that reference, you also win a cookie) and destroyed Alderaan, Yoda said the same thing about all the people on Alderaan. And, of course, the Death Star’s power level is OVER 9,000! If you get that last reference, you get a cake. But of course, the cake is a LIE! Okay, enough references. Bollywood is simply seeking to make India like America because America is a global superpower. So it either casts aside or completely ruins the religion of Hinduism and causes the pathetic stereotypes of India. It’s not real Indian dance, music, culture, or anything else. It’s like the accents of those bad Indian actors who want to pretend they have an American accent. Or the accents of bad Indian actors and comedians who exaggerate their accents for comedy or advertising (also causing pathetic stereotypes).

The people who come up with Bollywood ideas are on… well, I don’t want to offend anyone, let’s just say that it is not good for your mental health. They’re ALL stupid love story musicals. Just about EVERY. SINGLE. FREAKING. MOVIE. Including I Hate Love Stories. I mean, have you SEEN the trailer for the Bollywood version of the Halo movie? They turned Master Chief into a Spartan with a bad accent who sings bad songs and talks too much. THEY turned a FIRST-PERSON SHOOTER into a LOVE STORY! Now, how does THAT work?!?!?!?!?

I despise Bollywood for all it has ever done. There are TWO good things from Bollywood. One movie, called A Wednesday, the only movie that isn’t a love story. It’s about terrorism. And there is a song from some movie called Rocket Singh: Salesman of the Year. I can’t remember its name, of course. All Bollywood has ever done is make Indians look stupid and eschews our culture for its bad imitations of America.

There are a FEW well done Bollywood movies, if they have decency and are actually accurate and don’t TRY and cause stereotypes for marketing.

Well, this was a good rant. I might even put it in Self-Reflections. You guys will learn what that is later.

*Twirl around, disapparate in my awesome cloak, opera mask, and top hat, and explode into black smoke, for I am the CYNICAL DEATH LORD*

*DISCLAIMER: I am Indian and my parents like Bollywood. It's only me who thinks it should go die in the fire for being terrible.